check it out our google latitudes are spooning
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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