I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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