now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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