Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We are two peas in an std pod
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
