Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this will be a night to untag.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
