So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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