I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
