the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
please come you make the beer taste better
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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