He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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