is wine microwaveable?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
