I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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