Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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