The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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