I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
