For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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