we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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