I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
and you fell through a lawn chair
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
