Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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