Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
