summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
