how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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