6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
