Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
