her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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