Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
