I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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