Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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