There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
