bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize