worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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