one two three fourrrrnication!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
