So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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