Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
