If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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