if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
