I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
