I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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