Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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