so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
