next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
