He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
