I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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