chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
