im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
