Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
