What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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