you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
