drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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