Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
