this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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