come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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