dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
