i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
