where does the pee come out of this thing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
