after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
