I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
