Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
