You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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