He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
