woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
