just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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