You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
