girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
