My room smells like vodka and shame
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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