How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
