Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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