i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
