Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
