good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
