his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
