bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Randomize
