i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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