Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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