This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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