The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
