My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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