Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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