weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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