somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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